Sunday, March 7, 2010
All Out There
I put it all out there. I spilled everything like a wash basin full of used laundry water. It flowed in a torrent around her ankles and covered her feet. Nothing was held back. I was as exposed, guilty, and as vulnerable as I can be. Complete, hopeless honesty is one of my traits, for better or worse. Instinctively, I recoiled, waiting for her reaction. I really had no idea what it would be. Disgust? Anger? Repulsion? Pity? I knew that I could take any hit that she could deliver. It wouldn’t kill me, but it would likely hurt. That’s the best reason to fear women: because they can hurt you in ways that you can’t imagine. They really do hold all of the cards. Regardless of what was coming, I felt relieved for having said what I needed to say. It was out of me now, though perhaps inconsiderately, as I had just burdened her with it. Now she had to say something. She played it well, like a friend. I still wasn’t getting what I wanted, but the door wasn’t closed. The potential still existed, and in all things, you haven’t lost until you quit trying.