Thursday, July 9, 2009

Our Crop

My wife and I met in college during our freshman year. We were immediately an item and have been ever since. We didn’t live together until our senior year, at which point we got an apartment just off campus. Technically speaking, it was a two-bedroom apartment, and we each had our own room. That was the thin ruse we put up so our families could rationalize our living together without openly condoning our living in sin.

Emptying the apartment in preparation to move out after graduation was an immense pain in the ass. Since our place wasn’t furnished, I had purchased a cheap dresser from IKEA. For the return move home, I had emptied it of everything. My brother and both of my parents showed up to help me move out. My wife (girlfriend at the time) had moved all of her things out the previous day.

My brother and father picked up the cheap IKEA dresser, lifted it onto its side, and carried it out to the van lengthwise. I walked behind them carrying a box full of odds and ends. About halfway to the van, my brother stopped to adjust his grip, and a drawer slid open. Our riding crop fell out onto the grass. It might as well have been live ammunition. There was no good excuse for it. Neither my girlfriend nor I rode horses. We really weren’t into S&M much either, but had the crop essentially for that purpose. I immediately remembered leaving it in the drawer and, as quickly as I was able, thought of an excuse. I blurted out, “That’s from Halloween! Kathy (not her real name) was a nun.” Of course, it didn't occur to me in that moment that nuns don’t normally carry riding crops. My parents actually seemed to buy it, and replied, “Oh, you know, next year for Halloween your little sister is going to be an equestrian. She can probably use this for her costume.” I immediately agreed, in my haste to simply end the embarrassment. One of them picked it up and stuck it in the van. I just wanted to forget about it. So I did. I don’t recall if my sister ever did carry it around for Halloween.

Years later, it’s still hanging in their laundry room closet.

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