Sunday, August 23, 2009

A Miscellaneous Asshole

I can see that you’re an asshole from 15 feet away, before you open your mouth or rise from your barstool. Here are the clues that tipped me off. You’re wearing a cabbie hat, ridiculous glasses, expensive pre-worn jeans, distressed pre-worn t-shirt, and expensive European-looking shoes. You’ve also got a perfectly groomed, fancy goatee,which implies that you enjoy shaving a little too much. You’re not actually gay but you want to look like you are. Add to that the cheap, shitty beer you’re drinking, despite the fact that you clearly have money. You just want to look like you don’t. You are obviously pretty vain and concerned about your appearance, as evidenced by the items listed above. However, you’re apparently not so concerned that you would do the physically demanding, painful work and/or disciplined dieting required to lose your baby fat. Doubtless, you hold women to physical standards that you don’t apply to yourself. You are not a man. You are a big boy with no permanent identity, imitating what you see on TV.

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