Apologies and Cologne

Cologne is stupid. Why would I want to smell like anything other than myself? I smell magnificent on my own. I don’t need any help.

Apologies are self-indulgent. They’re made for the purpose of relieving your feelings of guilt and regret. They do nothing to heal the injured individual. Apologizing is like masturbating in front of somebody because you did something shitty to them and you want to feel better about it.

Cologne is a pre-emptive apology for one’s own scent. It is ideologically offensive. Jesus would wear cologne, for the same dumb reasons that he wants you to abide by his dad’s ten commandments. Cologne is humanity pretending that we’re something higher than animals.

Frat Boys

On the ladder of human evolution and moral standing, somewhere below pedophiles, rapists, serial murderers, drug dealers and used car salesmen you’ll find frat boys. Sure, just like cops, there are some good ones, perhaps even very good ones, but generally speaking, they’re degenerates. A frat boy is a meathead who is too terrified of the world around himself to confront it as an individual. He can only meet the world confidently if surrounded by a whole pack of like-minded people who have paid to join his semi-exclusive friend club. A frat boy is the opposite of an independent, critically thinking individual. Events like the various medieval inquisitions perpetrated by the Catholic Church, the Salem witch trials, the Holocaust, the Mafia, gang rape, televised sports, war, the Ku Klux Klan, and the band Sublime are only possible because of frat boys. These are all events or activities in which no thinking individual in their right mind would participate, endorse, or propagate. However, once you’ve surrendered your personal free will over to your group identity, all manner of idiocy becomes easily possible. None of us is as dumb as all of us. The frat boy, in his current and all historical manifestations, is proof of that.

This Guy

This guy leads with his junk. He’s incredible. When he looks at girls, he turns his whole head, neck, and shoulders right in front of them with no subtlety or apologies. He makes sure he gets an eyeful. He makes me look prudish. The party never stops.

Dickhead

Sorry, dickhead. You’re welcome to shoot past me at 80mph while angrily staring out the window at me if you like. I’m just going to sit here like a lump, in the right lane, going five below. I’m not giving you any reasons to pull me over. I’m not handing out any of those today. You’re just going to have to ruin somebody else’s evening for driving a little too fast. You’re going to have to find another way to meet your quota.

Law Enforcement

The existence of law enforcement is one of the great embarrassments of humanity. It ranks with racism, greed, war, homophobia, and religion. Law enforcement is irrefutable proof of our inability to control ourselves. We, as a species, cannot behave. The necessity for rule-enforcing professionals is evidence of this. Compounding this dysfunction is our impotence to effectively remedy it. An effective solution to a problem solves that problem. Law enforcement does not solve. It treats, and poorly at that. It does not cure our disease. It treats the symptoms. Often it even fails to do that. The real comedy of this is the fact that our behavioral problems are being treated by other people with the same problems. A human is a human. A law enforcement official is a human pretending to be something more than he is. This, however, is just an act. It is an appeal to power. It’s all they have, because they are aware of their own fallibilities and limitations as people. They know that projecting the power and authority of something more than human is the only way to maintain their façade. I believe there are good cops. Perhaps even most begin their careers in law enforcement with good convictions. However, the nature of their occupation makes that an incredibly difficult thing to sustain. A law, like any idea, is only worth what is gained from it in execution. It is only as good as it is applied. Gravity is not an idea or a law. Gravity simply is. Gravity does not need its truth to be defended. Gravity does not need anybody’s help. If you think you can disregard gravity, go right ahead and try. A law is simply an idea. A law is a suggestion, and only as relevant as it is enforced. Our esteem of and belief in our own laws is just another indication of our overestimation of our own authority to determine what is right and what is wrong. The only difference between good kids and bad kids is that good kids don’t get caught.