Watches

Apparently watches are pretty fucking important. Perhaps they are even the measure of a man. The bigger they are, the better. There should be no plastic anywhere on it. Plastic isn’t hard like stainless steel or chrome or gold or silver. Whereas diamonds are normally reserved for shallow, bitchy women, on a man’s watch, they indicate a giant dick, insatiable heterosexual appetite, and good Protestant work ethic. A straightforward, honest, god-fearing man should wear a good watch. A respectable watch should cost as much as a decent used car. That way you can ensure that nobody will mistake you for the sort of dishonest, degenerate queer who would wear a cheap, scratched up, ten year old plastic Timex with a nylon band that doesn’t match the face, bought at K-Mart, on sale, for $14.