Schizophrenic Cadillac Donuts

We were looking for a particular pastry shop in Boston. We got there and it was closed. After failing to find something else suitable in the immediate vicinity, we wandered around and squandered the morning, lost in search of breakfast. Disgusted, we gave up and went to a Dunkin' Donuts. I got in line behind an old guy who was apparently ordering. He looked a little unusual, kind of like a black Hunter S. Thompson, with a suitcase, brightly colored shirt, wide-brimmed pink stoner hat, and red cane…but I thought nothing of it. I dig insane-looking people. I stood behind him in line, paying no attention to anything that he was saying. The girl working the register shouted over his head to me, “Can I help you?” Initially I thought that I had done something rude. I paused, confused. She repeated herself. At this moment I could see the old man gesturing wildly, and talking off in a different direction. Still unsure why she wanted me to displace this man, and order ahead of him, I timidly approached the counter. I ordered a cream-filled key lime pie donut and a small coffee. My wife ordered a blueberry donut. The man wandered off to the side, and started talking again. I began to understand what was going on. He proceeded to let loose with one of the most awesome monologues I’ve ever heard. It was actually a dialogue, but only one side of it. He was having a conversation with somebody who wasn’t there. He would speak, and they would respond, though only to him. This person had just bought a brand new Cadillac.

“Bright red. Shinin.’ With a tape player in the dash. You could ride around in it all day. Up and down the block. Have your girl in there beside you, and ride. You know…”

The old man was sincerely happy for his invisible partner. It was touching and beautiful. He was engaged in something much cooler than I was. I was engaged in a donut that looked so brightly green that I thought it was radioactive.