Friday, October 30, 2009


Squirrels are amazing. There are a lot of them running around the streets where I work. They’re constantly jumping from trees, running up telephone poles and into garbage cans. They’re great. Today I observed a squirrel dive into a garbage can and emerge with what must have been half of a candy bar. He darted from the can, up a tree, and between two houses before you could count to three. He must have been experiencing an incredible, euphoric joy. In that moment, it occurred to me that I am an asshole. I will deserve whatever suffering befalls me. The squirrel has half a candy bar and he is overjoyed. His life will span, at best, a fraction of mine. The sum of his life experiences will be proportionate. I have a nice job, a car, a house, a cell phone, computers, friends, family, a wife, a girlfriend, and all the enriching art, music, food, comfort, and healthcare I need. I live at the high water mark. As I walk down the sidewalk, gourmet coffee in hand, I am discontent, miserable. I am a plague upon the Earth. The squirrel is more enlightened and of far better stock than myself. People like me are parasites. I don’t want what I deserve. I want what I want because I’m too dumb to know better. I am proof that there is no such thing as god. If there was, he would have hit me with a bus by now.

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